How much is too much?
Not easy for me to know my boundaries in intimate relationships.
I thought it would be always different depending on the person you are with, but I got to the conclusion it is not so.
It’s all bout me, my definition of how much is enough, to give, to take and to suffer, not about how much I love but how much I preserve myself from those I fell in love for.
It’s very easy to give too much when you are in love, you want to make it work, and you want to give your best even if the price is too high on yourself …
“In love and war anything goes”, as they say, but what “goes” is parts of something else we forgot to protect, our needs.
We can do everything to save our partner and the relationship, but who will save us when we have nothing left to give? What’s left? How do we fix it? Limits are not there to say we are leaders between the two, they exist to say: Hey, I can only go this far so the rest it’s up to you and if it’s not enough then it’s ok to say it will not work well enough for the both of us … (And vice versa).
Not respecting our limits, as I so often have found out, does makes a lot of damage when you leave any relationship, and yes you will feel resentment knowing you went too far and how much damage that did on you and how to recover from that.
Not easy for me to know my boundaries in intimate relationships.
I thought it would be always different depending on the person you are with, but I got to the conclusion it is not so.
It’s all bout me, my definition of how much is enough, to give, to take and to suffer, not about how much I love but how much I preserve myself from those I fell in love for.
It’s very easy to give too much when you are in love, you want to make it work, and you want to give your best even if the price is too high on yourself …
“In love and war anything goes”, as they say, but what “goes” is parts of something else we forgot to protect, our needs.
We can do everything to save our partner and the relationship, but who will save us when we have nothing left to give? What’s left? How do we fix it? Limits are not there to say we are leaders between the two, they exist to say: Hey, I can only go this far so the rest it’s up to you and if it’s not enough then it’s ok to say it will not work well enough for the both of us … (And vice versa).
Not respecting our limits, as I so often have found out, does makes a lot of damage when you leave any relationship, and yes you will feel resentment knowing you went too far and how much damage that did on you and how to recover from that.
Yep and the other half will never know how far you went nor the price you will pay to save something it was not meant to be save.
Doesn’t mean you will not do it again, but with some twists, you will stop faster every time you cross a limit so you can preserve yourself more and still have a lot more left when it ends. I don’t believe in ever lasting anything, I do believe every thing, like us, have a termination date, we know it, we can feel it but we can’t see it, although it’s always there… And for those who can last a life time together, congratulations, not for me, I can’t freeze up anywhere I need to learn and to be fed and feel the need to feed back, when all that ends it’s time to move one and learn more, specially about myself and my limits.
Doesn’t mean you will not do it again, but with some twists, you will stop faster every time you cross a limit so you can preserve yourself more and still have a lot more left when it ends. I don’t believe in ever lasting anything, I do believe every thing, like us, have a termination date, we know it, we can feel it but we can’t see it, although it’s always there… And for those who can last a life time together, congratulations, not for me, I can’t freeze up anywhere I need to learn and to be fed and feel the need to feed back, when all that ends it’s time to move one and learn more, specially about myself and my limits.
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